The Blame Game
Inspired by a true story
There once was this little girl
Brown hair, straight across bangs, overalls, and velcro shoes.
She asked for velcro because it was quicker than tying shoes so she didn’t to take time out of play time.
This little girl was the one who would walk up to the boys at recess and challenge them to a running race.
“Across the court up the hill touch the fence and back. First one to cross this line wins” she would tell them.
With one eyebrow up and doing her best, to hide her smirk.
She was always up for a challenge.
Always up for an obstacle that would make her better.
She would look for them both on, and off the playground.
But sometimes in this life?
We are presented with obstacles that we don’t want.
Or or or, ones that we aren’t expecting.
This little girl
Was the fastest on the playground, but-
When it came to trying to hide the bottle from her daddy-
She could never get there fast enough.
When it came to trying to have a conversation before he started drinking-
She could never get there fast enough.
When it came to trying to take mommy away so he wouldn’t get to her-
She could never get there fast enough.
Alcoholism abuse assault death?
No one ever asks for these challenges.
No matter how fast we try to run from it,
We can never get away.
Just like those dreams where there is a tiger monster or SOMETHING chasing you and you just can never-
Out run it.
As life went on and bottles continued to be drained from their liquid poison, she-
became stronger.
Her bones began to ossify giving her one hell of a backbone that would help her stand up against anything.
In her head there was this chalkboard,
Where her unconscious mind would keep score.
Every time her daddy missed her track meet, cursed at her or threaten her mom, he would get a tally
Every time he made a promise and broke it? He would get a tally.
Every time her daddy made time for her, a tally, would be erased.
Every time he would keep his word, a tally, would be erased.
This little girl, did not realize that her unconscious was doing this.
She didn’t realize that she began to question everyone.
Their character, integrity, power and intentions.
Looking for where the creator of this person stuck their caution sticker
The one that says CAUTION READ BEFORE USE.
She didn’t realize that her ability to trust and take anyone’s word was decreasing, especially-
Towards men.
As she got older and began to digest the fact that her daddy was an alcoholic and abusive towards the people that he loved…(whisper) air quotes..
She began to get angry.
Angry at the fact that he had brought her so much pain.
The type that takes you to your knees and makes you look up to the sky for a god you don’t believe and ask-
“Why?”
Angry at the fact that he had created trust issues within his own little girl that held her back from authentic human interaction and connection.
Angry at the fact that he had such a negative impact on her when she didn’t deserve it.
As she collapsed from the pain, collapsed from the anger
It felt as if someone had tapped her on the shoulder
And said
“Little girl, who isn’t so little anymore,
Don’t you realize that your daddy has not turned you into a monster.
He has turned you into a warrior.
Turned you into a woman.
Although you look for caution signs and have a level of skepticism higher than most scientists, don’t you realize?
That although there has been so much struggle and pain, you have blossomed in the darkness.
If you were a seed the darkness has been your sun and the pain has been your water.
If you must blame him for the darkness that his actions have instilled in you,
Then you must also blame him for the light that has come from those actions.
If you hold anger and pain towards him, you must also hold love and gratitude.
If he didn’t empty bottle after bottle and have screaming match after screaming match
You wouldn’t be able to hold your own
You wouldn’t know how to stand up for yourself and hold your ground as strong.
Without his bad example, you wouldn’t love the people in your life like you do now
You wouldn’t be the light that others go to when all they are feeling in life is darkness.”
Once-
she realized all of the good that came from her struggle
Once-
she realized that she should not blame him just for the bad But also for the good
The chalkboard was erased.
There were no more tallies against him.
The grudge that she was holding against him for her whole life had acted as an internal prison keeping her from her light
She wondered what had tapped on her shoulder.
Perhaps
it was an angel
Perhaps
it was a dream.
It was the little girl in overalls and velcro shoes inside of her reminding her of the light which comes from the journey through the darkness